Don’t have an emotional confrontation. Your spouse may get mad at you for having an emotional confrontation. It’s understandable for them to get mad and tell you to stop overreaching and to stop doing this all of a sudden. However, do not stop your investigation and do not end your investigation. Let your emotions run away with you, but do not let them cloud your judgment and your decision making.
Don’t let the husband’s friends in. Many friends will try to tempt you with a quick resolution, a quick resolution that is quick and easy. However, it will not be quick and easy. The truth will come out eventually, but you must allow time to do this.
And, you must be patient when they try to get you to give them your information. It’s okay to say no, but do not give in to constant appeals. You need to know your spouse’s friends, but you must not allow them to get you to give up your spouse. Eventually, the truth will be revealed.
Don’t let the friend’s parents find out. The parents of your friends’ friends are part of this web. They will do anything to protect your friend. They may even start an affair of their own free will so that their son or daughter-in-law will not get in trouble. And, these are not the type of friends that you want to give your spouse. They are no more than pawns in the grand scheme of things.
There are other dangers that you should be aware of, but these are the most common dangers and they must be confronted if you want to save your marriage.
Do not try to solve everything overnight. Take your time. Take care of yourself. Make sure that you are strong and that you know what you want. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing anything. And, do not allow yourself to be pressured. Remember that you are an adult, responsible for your own life, so do not allow anyone else to pressure you into making any decision about your marriage except yourself.
Just because the affair has ended, does not mean that you need to go through all of the same painful emotions all over again. You may want to go through some, but if you don’t, you will not be able to recover and become strong again. Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. You did nothing wrong. So, do not allow anyone else to pressure you into doing anything that you should do on your own.
Do not become an emotional zombie. Emotional zombies are people who are emotionally inert and do not have strong feelings. They have no will or desire to do anything about their marriage. They will not stand up for themselves, stand up for their spouse, stand up for their marriage, stand up for their family.
They will go through the motions and go through the motions and go through the motions and go through the motions and go through the motions and go through the motions. They become a victim and they become a no-show and they become bleating sheep. You are not a bleating sheep. Your marriage is not a victim situation. So, do not become one. And, do not allow someone else to become an emotional zombie for you.
To be clear, I am not defending infidelity or cheating. I know from my own experience that it can deeply hurt everyone involved. I’m also aware that many people feel that they have to “get over” the affair before they can move on with their life and their marriages. There is no magic pill to make this happen. But, there are things you can do that will help you to move on more quickly. One of these is to take charge of your marriage so that you have the self-respect to acknowledge what has happened and then decide that you don’t want to participate in something that is not working for you and leave the affair behind.
This is not easy, but it is a choice that many people make because they know that they can not live like a victim and that they have self-esteem that needs some defending. This is the person that stands up for their spouse, stands up for their marriage, stands up for their family and stands up for themselves. Many people just do not know how to stand up for themselves.
To answer the question posed, it is not easy to stand up for yourself. But it is something that many people in your situation do. In fact, it is something that many people have to do all of the time because they have a lot riding on the outcome of their decisions. They are either trying to save their marriage or they are trying to save their children’s lives. Some people are just trying to stand up for the people they love. And, some are trying to stand up for the good they believe is being compromised.
I realize that the idea of standing up for yourself seems to contradict what I’ve described above. But I’m telling you if you want to save your marriage and you want to save your children, you can. There are things you can do that will make you feel better and others that will make you feel worse.
Both experiences will make you feel differently about the outcome but the important thing is that you are able to evaluate them and figure out which ones are important to you and which ones are not. This is usually a decision that you make quickly and with a lot of emotion.
But I also know from experience that once you make it, it’s very difficult to look back and re-evaluate and that once you stand up for yourself, you may have to deal with people telling you what you think you should be doing but you need to stand up for yourself. This does not mean you are helpless or that you don’t know what you need. It just means that you have decided that you are in control of your own life. And if you need to stand up for yourself, so be it.